4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse in Fitness
In the psychology world, Dr. John Gottman is a living legend. For over 50 years, he and his wife have dedicated themselves to the study of romance and marriages. He has become so knowledgable and attuned to the subject that he’s now credited with being able to predict whether a couple he evaluates will eventually divorce, with a 93% success rate. Through his decades of research, four major traits surfaced as being the most destructive to relationships; criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Gottman coined these characteristics as the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in Relationships”.
While his work mostly revolves around romantic stability, I find the concept to be very compelling. No matter what aspect of life we’re talking about, there are typically specific things that are the biggest culprits in regards to throwing people off-track. Fitness is no exception. So with the inspiration of Dr. Gottman’s work in mind, here are my Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in Fitness.
Comparison
Whether we like it or not, our brains are always sizing other people up. There’s no shame in it, we all do it. But problems start to arise when we begin placing VALUE on those comparisons. Everyone’s bodies are different, we’re all in different phases on our fitness journey, and we all have different goals. It’s very understandable to become intimidated and want to quit when you see a jacked guy at the gym who’s even younger than you are, or when someone you know achieves the same type of weight loss that you’ve been chasing for months in half the time. But it’s all bullshit. The things they’ve achieved should have zero bearing on how you feel about your goals, or progress. In endurance events, it’s widely understood that if you have any interest in winning, you need to “run your race”. Focusing on people around you serves no purpose, other than distracting you and throwing you off your game. Don’t allow that to happen. Keep your focus on you and you alone, and celebrate the small victories as they come. They will continue to stack, and that’s where the real progress is.
2. Close-mindedness
When someone who doesn’t work out says to themselves, “I need to get in shape”, most of the time they’re only referring to weight training, or maybe running/cardio machine work. People rarely venture outside of that, because those things are easily accessible and often thought of as the most effective ways to get healthy. Don’t get me wrong, both are phenomenal, but focusing on just those things as strategies to lose weight is turning a blind eye to the multitude of activities that can be extremely effective. Swimming, cycling, HITT classes, yoga, recreational sports leagues, calisthenic work, dancing, or even just long walks are all great ways to kickstart fitness habits. There is no one size fits all, sustained success will only come from doing things that you enjoy. Through a process of trial and error, you’ll be able to narrow in on the activities that better suit your interests and goals. For a lot of people, that’s weight training and/or running, which is great. But if those aren’t for you, then don’t be close-minded and force yourself into that box.
3. Boredom
After a few weeks, months, or even years of training, it can become pretty difficult to keep things interesting. A good majority of the people you see lifting at gyms on a daily basis do the same set of routines, every week. If you go in on a Monday (aka “International Chest Day”) you’ll most likely see swarms of bros waiting for an open spot so they can flat bench press, and then chances are they’ll head over and do some incline dumbbell chest presses, then probably two or three more accessory push exercises, then finish with a core circuit that is so boring it would make you fall asleep. People like to stick to their protocols, because after a while, it gets comfortable and doesn’t require much thought. The issue with this attitude toward training is that it has the capacity to slowly cause you to lose interest in getting your workouts in, and it can also just plateu your progress altogether. If you had to sit down and watch the same movie every single day for the next 6 months, do you think you would be able to enjoy it every day? I can’t speak for everyone, but I sure as hell wouldn’t. Now if I was able to watch a different movie every day for the next 6 months, that’s another story. In order to stay engaged, we need differentiation in our routines. We can do this in the form of periodization, switching exercises, utilizing different types of sets, changing our weekly split, shuffling exercise order, and a bunch of other things as well. The point is, boredown leads to slowed progress, which can turn in to lack of motivation and the breaking of good habits. So if you feel yourself starting to lose interest, find new ways to switch things up!
4. External Motivation
When it comes to maintaining fitness habits, extrinsic factors will not keep us consistent for very long. It doesn’t matter how many David Goggins videos you watch, his messages (or anyone else’s) only serve as temporary fuel. In order to create lasting lifestyle changes, you should want to make progress for yourself, and yourself alone. Themes such as “I want go about my day-to-day activities without any pain” or “I want to improve my energy levels so that I can be more present with my famly” will hold up much better as long-term aspirations. External motivation ties into comparison as well, because the things that other people tell us have a subconscious way of causing us to measure ourselves up against whatever it is they might be doing. No one knows whats best for you other than you, and no one can motivate yourself better than you. Other influences in your life will fade in and out as time goes by, but the person in the mirror will always be there to hold you accountable. So instead of looking around your life for sources to keep you disciplined, turn your focus inward, and examine why fitness is important to you specifically.
